Memento Mori: November 2023

I had been debating on doing another Memento Mori for a while now. It’s been two years and I came to the conclusion that, moving forward, I’ll start doing them every year. It’s a way to chronicle my life as it constantly changes. Some of the changes require reflection so I can appreciate where I am and what it took to get (t)here. Plus, my daughter incessantly nags me about talking about my life. It seems inappropriate to divulge some stuff to her mainly because (as of today) she’s only 14 years old. However, she likes to randomly google me so if she ever finds this blog, she can read what she wants.

I decided to do this one a little different regarding when I post. I used to wait for the month to go by and then post as a reflection of the previous month. This time around I’m posting on the 1st day of every month. So without further adieu, let’s get into living the rest of this life.

The older I get the more I notice conversations about people not wanting to get old and searching for any and everything in an effort to be forever young. I’ll be 44 years old in 21 days and I look at it as another year to learn more, not fight crows feet, these sagging tits, dimpled ass, and rice krispy knees. Never mind the fact that perimenopause has kicked in and given me the gift of acne as if I was entering a second puberty. It sucks BUT I AM one year closer to not being afflicted with a menstrual cycle. This is one of the benefits of aging. Another one is the expectation that you’ll have far less fucks to give about pretty much everything because you’re closer to the seemingly final expiration date. I haven’t stopped caring about everything though. I'm choosing to tap into a younger version of myself that focused on 5 things in life: friends, family, money, books, and food. Anything outside of these things or anything related to them, didn’t get any of my time. So, this is when returning to my past to move forward comes in handy.

I also find myself being annoyed when people attempt to get me to focus on other shit outside of those 5 things. I figure I have a good 40-50 years of life left to live and I’ll be damned if ANY of it’s spent doing ANYTHING I don’t want to do. I used a sizable portion of my first four decades of life being accommodating to others and it isn’t the self-sacrifice I care to continue. Sure, this can be seen as veering off into the land of self-serving bitchiness BUT I challenge that notion with the alternative of NOT going to the opposite extreme.

That’s something else that I’ve been observing… how common it is for people to think in binary terms about EVERYTHING…. when we don’t have to. There’s a multitude of space between left and right so I never have to venture too far into any side. I can fluidly reside where the universe allows me to for the rest of my life… and I can do it without listening to anyone tell me how my old ass life should be finished. I think there’s value in living your best life at any age but as we age, it becomes necessary. My Memento Mori of 2023 - 2024 will remember the inevitability of death but also that I can still enjoy the life I’m living.

Here’s to my Obama year. I welcome you, 44.