Memento Mori: April 2024
March ended as quickly as it began and now we have April.
I’ve written about four different posts for this Memento Mori but erased them all.
It feels forced so this might read as one big ramble.
Today is April Fools’ Day but it’s not giving jokes, at all.
It’s almost like if we aren’t taking everything straight-faced serious, we can’t possibly care about all the problems enough. I committed to living as well-rounded a life as humanly possible. Feeling one particular way for long periods of time doesn’t suit me because it doesn’t feel real. Throughout the course of a day, I want to experience as many emotions as possible and then process them all but in as healthy a way as possible. Constant war, family dysfunction, work dysfunction, unstable relationships, finances, chronic illness, and random bullshit doesn’t leave much room for that kind of experience. So, I’m acknowledging this is where intention comes into play.
We have 24 hours in a day and I want most of those hours to contribute to growth.
March was heavy for a multitude of reasons that trickle into April every year. The difference with this year is that I just let myself feel however I wanted to. I didn’t change anything to get myself to shift out or away from the sadness. It’s an annual thing and maybe it will eventually become less prominent in what affects me the deepest. Until then, I take it as a sign to slow down and rest. Mainly because my brain needs to. This is also a reminder to myself for the entire month of April; any time I need to myself, I need to take it.
Speaking of time to myself, I had a bit of free time the other day while I was waiting on the kiddo. So, I went to my favorite comic book shop and saw this:
Yes, that looks a little concerning but it’s a graphic novel memoir of the author chronicling their road to recovery after having an unexpected brain hemorrhage. It was not part of my book haul that day but it made my growing list of books to buy. Despite me writing a Memento Mori every month and not being afraid of death, I still have to be in a specific mood to absorb that kind of material. After thumbing through it in the store, it reminded me that I decided to keep the monthly mementos going because sudden, unexpected shit happens to all of us. These months, whether I share a lot or a little, is a reminder to me that I’m still going.
April will be another month of growth because that’s what I will be doing until the day I die.
But right now, this is all I got to give. Until next month…
