43

11/22/22 was the actual day I turned 43 years old.

I decided to write this later because I wanted to sit in the reality of another year of life tacked on to the 42 I've already acquired. My birthday has always been important to me but I've dialed down my enthusiasm since I was a kid and accepted I wouldn't be celebrating any birthdays as long as I was a Jehovah Witness. The reasoning I was given (as a child) was that nothing good happened during any birthday celebrations in the bible so there was no need to celebrate them. When I was a practicing Jehovah Witness, they celebrated marriage anniversaries, school graduations, baptisms and had baby and bridal showers. That was the extent of celebrating significant personal dates.

When I chose to not practice the religion, I still didn't celebrate my birthday like I wanted to because I have a birthday that's always near Thanksgiving. People are usually spending time with their families for the holiday so if I wanted my friends to be present, I would more than likely have to celebrate on a week totally unrelated to my birthday. This expectation is only present for people born on or near major holidays and I would be lying if I said it did not suck.

I decided the year of 42 would be the last year I play it mellow about being alive another year. The year of 43 is significant to me and while I'm grateful for all the people who cared enough to tell me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", I'm still really the only person obligated to celebrate me.

Growing up, I played small in a lot of settings because of being surrounded by people who required so much more attention. I have no desire to require so much attention that I become a draining force to anyone but I also don't want to be at the other end of the spectrum, which has often been not getting anywhere near the attention I need. It has been considered a sign of humility and moderation to not need anything to the point people make sure they paid you attention. I've often been referred to as low maintenance but I sat with that one day and realized that when I did require more, it was called needy, clingy, and unreasonable by the same people who always required far more than I ever asked for.

So 43 has been a reminder to take up the space I want and need. It might not be with all the people I've been calling friend because what I know I need, I also know everyone I've called friend isn't in a place to support me in that manner. It might not be in the same spaces I'm familiar with because those probably aren't the spaces best for the amazing amount of growth to come. It might require a little or a LOT of shedding. Shedding of old skin, relationships that aren't mutually fulfilling, antiquated thought processes, and typical ways of moving.

43 is my intentional year of gratitude, attracting abundance across the board, and manifesting what I want, need, and deserve. May this year and everyone to come be better than my most memorable dreams.